Midwinter Break Satire


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For years, a sense of confusion has lingered around the whereabouts of the Ann Arbor Public Schools Mid-winter break. The outcome has turned out variably year after year, with break ranging all the way from a full week to three days to nonexistent. This variability has prompted questions of how long the break should be. Days? Weeks? Years? Should we even have a break? Well, no need to worry, for Dr Jeanice Swift has come to our rescue once again, with an announcement that will quell all questions regarding our break once and for all. According to Swift, “each year from here on out, our midwinter break is scheduled from April 20, 4:20 PM to April 20th, 4:21 PM.”

Upon her announcement, Dr Swift received an uproar of support. “Before I found out the new schedule for the AAPS midwinter break, I was always left guessing,” said Pioneer junior Karen Fourtwenty. “Will we be having a week of break? A few days of break?? No break??? Now, I can always be certain when we will be getting our break. Instead of wasting my brain cells on wondering when mid winter break will be, I can waste them on much more important topics of interest, like playing Fortnight Mobile.” 

However, there have also been, surprisingly, a few haters. Ricky Magoo, a Pioneer freshman, was reported to say to his friend Even Steven one day in the halls, “I don’t understand how I’ll be able to get anything done this Midwinter break!! I’ve always counted on those few nonexistent days to get my homework done!” Reportedly, his friend, Even Steven, had replied, “Sucks for you Ricky, at least you’ll have something to blame your 69 in Cooking on!” 

Still others say Dr Swift made a terrific approach to scheduling Midwinter break. “Dates are just numbers,” said Pioneer junior Yeskeesha Rushder. “No matter how long the break was before, it always seemed to be over in a minute. Now that it is literally a minute, we’ll have saved a whole week in our lives!” Yeskeesha’s friend, Rupert Grint, added on, “the dates our break used to be held on always confused me. It went from January 30th one year to August 15th to September 1st…to abstract Picasso drawings. It always had me in awe how many times the dates of our break could change.”

All in all, Dr Swift’s approach to scheduling Mid winter break from here on out has made everyone (minus a few disgruntled teachers and staff and students and community workers that we’re going to ignore) happy. “It’s an everybody-wins situation!” Dr Swift concluded.